What Type of Anger Do You Carry?
- Tera Chapman
- Jun 3
- 2 min read
By Tera E. Chapman | Anger Management Specialist, FVIP Provider
Not all anger looks the same.
Some people raise their voices. Others go silent. Some people keep the peace on the outside, but feel resentment growing beneath the surface. Anger, in all its forms, is one of the most human emotions—and one of the most misunderstood.
In the work I do through court-approved anger management and Family Violence Intervention Programs (FVIP), I often help clients identify their unique patterns of anger. Recognizing your style isn’t about shame. It’s about awareness—and the freedom that comes from it.
Here are a few patterns we see often.
1. The Pressure Cooker
You try to keep everything under control. You stay calm, suppress frustration, and try to avoid conflict. But eventually, all that pressure builds—and when it comes out, it comes out strong. Maybe not violently, but intensely.
What’s behind it?
A fear of confrontation, or a belief that expressing needs is dangerous. You’ve likely learned to carry more than your share without complaint.
What helps?
Learning to identify stress signals early and communicate discomfort before the boil-over. You don’t have to explode to be heard.
2. The Silent Shield
You withdraw. You become cold, quiet, or distant. You might not yell, but you disconnect. You use silence or emotional shutdown to avoid escalating conflict or showing vulnerability.
What’s behind it?
A need for safety. Past experiences may have taught you that speaking up leads to punishment or rejection.
What helps?
Rebuilding trust in safe spaces and learning how to express boundaries clearly without fear.
3. The Reactor
You respond quickly and strongly to perceived disrespect or unfairness. Your anger comes out fast—sometimes sharper than intended. You’re not trying to hurt anyone; you're trying to protect your dignity.
What’s behind it?
You’ve had to defend yourself before. Anger became a way to take your power back.
What helps?
Learning to pause, assess intention, and choose how you want to respond—not just react.
4. The Peacekeeper
You smile. You stay polite. You do what’s needed to avoid conflict. But inside, you feel exhausted, taken for granted, or unseen. Your anger doesn’t come out directly—it shows up as burnout or resentment.
What’s behind it?
A belief that anger is dangerous, or that expressing it makes you "bad" or ungrateful.
What helps?
Giving yourself permission to express discomfort and advocate for your own needs without guilt.
Why This Matters
These anger styles aren’t diagnoses. They’re patterns—learned behaviors shaped by your life, your family, your past. And patterns can change. With the right support, anger becomes less of a burden and more of a teacher.
👣 Want to Explore This in a Guided Way?
At Abundant Minds, we approach anger in a more guided way to help you understand the cause and create systems to use anger more efficiently.
If you, or someone you know is struggling with anger, enroll in our court-approved anger management program.
See you on the other side!
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